Saturday and Sunday

Hello again. How was your weekend? Good I hope. Here's mine....

On Saturday I got up with the sun. Clear head, and only a brief stint of furniture moving to come. Literally one bit... Went online and saw a friend who'd moved away was back in town so sent a text to see what she had planned. Ok, I saw that she was home on Facebook. I'm not proud, but it's for handy keeping up with people - in a shit lazy way. She said she had some shopping to do so I got the furniture moving out the way and then she picked me up. Had a coffee, she bought a dress and I got a cd. Quite sad but I bought Florence & the Machine; Lungs. I lack the ability to appreciate any depth of quality in music. My friends can talk about riffs, rhythms and the rest but all I can do is asscoiate it with how it makes me feel, and any associated memories. Obviously I've always known that the cheeky girls, SClub 7 and, more recently, Carly Rae Jepson are shit so there is hope for me. I'm quite proud that I had to google the last one.

Ah, Florence. My ex introduced me to them and we saw them at Latitude. So many happy memories, and yet I feel sad every time I hear it. Nightmare. I've now got the rest of the day free and I'm fucking down. Shite! I could read a book, go up the hill, write a bit of this. Or I could have a drink. I'm finding that reading doesn't cut it as a distraction right now, and it's raining so the hill's out of the question. The view of clouds has never appealed to me. Well not from the inside. It's like an itch. Just have one Rich. One'll be ok. And so.......I wrote a post for this. Oddly I'm getting the same itch now, but it'll be ok. I've got you guys behind me, right?

I texted Lenny to see if he was about for a chat. He's getting a bit fucked off that I've told him I'm worried about him. I didn't say why, but here's the reply...........

"Thanks for your concern, and I understand why you feel the need to help given what you've been through recently. I'm a little baffled why I'm being singled out. Yes, I like a beer (who mentioned beer?), as do pretty much all our frinds. Do I drink heavily every day, no. And nor do they".

Fair point, but it seems that you drink every day, and heavily is subjective. I mentioned this and also the fact that even I haven't had to apologise for my behavior for years (and I'm the card carrying alcoholic), and nor has anyone else.

He seems to think it's all a blip..... Maybe I'm wrong, and he's right. Who knows? It appears that I've been told to mind my own business and look after my own shit. I'll try.

After that I got another text asking me "did you shag that girl at the wedding?". You may recall that I went through this with Lenny the previous Sunday. Memory loss in one so young, but I'm sure it's not the booze. Also, drinking heavily a few times a week does not count as "a few", if one of the them starts Friday at 5:30, and finishes at 11:00pm Sunday. Maybe it does. I think I only drank heavily once between 1995 and 2012.......

Sunday was good. I did some shopping and my elder sis came over with my nephews. Bless them. Sis commented on how clean and tidy the house was when she arrived, as well as how well I was looking. By the time they left the place was a mess, covered in boiled egg and I was knackered. Worth it though. Shame the weather was crap so we couldn't play outside.

Things like this worry me. In a dozen or so years time, maybe, the boys are going to ask "Uncle R****? Why don't you drink?". What the hell am I going to say? "I haven't drunk for a long time to make sure I got old enough for you to ask that question". Maybe I'll just show him this. When they're old enough to drink, they'll be old enough to know the dangers. This brings me on to Eve.

We've been chatting on Skype, exchanging texts and generally getting on well. It's so relaxing talking to her. Everything is just so chilled and natural. Every time she asks me what I've been up to or where I've been it seems I'm driving. "Can't they get another Chauffeur?", she asks. I'm seeing her this Saturday and Sunday, with a visit to my newly-wed friends in between. We will be incinerating animals, weather permitting. I'll be driving again, as it's a bit of a distance. I've got to tell her the truth soon, but how? I'm really scared. I like this girl a lot and I don't want to lose her before we even get started.

Allie fucked up my last two relationships, and now it seems her abscence could ruin this one too. If I wasn't so sad I'd laugh out loud. Actually, I'm now crying a bit and laughing because it's so ridiculous. Why me? I didn't want to hurt anyone. I didn't ask for this. I just want to able to be like everyone else.

The rest of Sunday was happily wasted; washing up, reading, pretending I'm Steven Gerrard in the garden. Bed