I'm starting to assume that this weekend is just an elaborate hoax.......

I know the hidden camera's are there somewhere. Come out you fuckers!

Seconds after sending Eve a text explaining why I looked a bit down at lunch (she did ask) my phone flashed and came up with the legend "SIM Not Registered". I got a call the Thursday before last saying a free upgrade and a better contract were available, so I took it. I provided my address and then they asked for the address I was at when I registered the phone, for "security" reasons.

I've looked up "security" in the dictionary and am somewhat confused. Nowhere does it mention that "security", means that bell-ends will brilliantly try to deliver my phone to a place I don't live at anymore. Unsurprisingly, it was refused, because I don't fucking live there anymore. This would have prompted a phone call from many companies querying the delivery address, but apparently not from these. I just wonder where the courier managed to tie up his horse. Now they can't call me to inform me of their mistake, because my fucking phone doesn't work, mainly because of their mistake. I am moderately miffed. Possibly a tad more. In fact it's pretty fair to say that if Jeremy Beadle's ghost pops out a cupboard in a sec I won't be calling Egon, Ray, Winston and Pete for help. I'll just nut him!!!!

I probably need to calm down. On the bright side I can't call a locksmith to open the spirits cabinet, or order a pizza I don't want in order to get 12 cans of Stella, so it's another win. Anyone for ovaltine?

And no Allie, not tonight. You're a fucking ugly person and you're making me act the same.

God I hope Eve got/didn't get my message. Either way it's fucked. Nightmare!

This ends the public information broadcast on behalf of carphone warehouse.

Wankers!

Sleep well