After a refreshing two hour sleep I jumped out of bed at 8:30am and got ready to return to the hotel wedding breakfast. 25 minutes later I was on the road and it was another beautiful day! The sun was shining, the music was loud and I was on top of the world. Even managed to arrive at my destination without getting lost. "This was going to be another belting day!" You should never think that. Life kicks you at times....
Rolled into the scene of the crime and sat with a few of my friends. Evidence of Allie was everywhere. Glazed eyes, slow movements and a general subdued air. Looks like that bitch had visited everyone last night but I knew they'd all kicked her out this morning and wouldn't be asking her to stay. I had the standard questions about last night..... "So what happened?", "How did you get on?", "How far did you get", etc. The highlight was when one of the ushers wives who I'd only met the day before shouted across the room, "Oi, M*****!!! Did you shag her then or what?". Theres not a lot you can say to that so I just smiled and remembered our talk in the car. I drank all the coffee available as the sugar was wearing off and we all just talked for an hour until it was time for people to start checking out. I was going to leave too but I didn't want it to end just yet. I sat in the garden and said goodbye to them all one by one, until it was just me left. I was a week into my new life and I felt like catching up with what I'd missed in the last 17 years.
I live in a beautiful part of Britain. The countryside is amazing and there are so many places to just sit down and be content. It hasn't got the stark beauty of Pembroke, Anglesey or the Lake District but it's the Shire, and it's home. It's disturbing how much of my life I've spent seeing it as a gap between pubs. Another regret, but there's time to put this one right. New resolution. Make the most of the summer by going into the hills (we actually have a mountain by about 30ft), and the woods at least three time a week. If it involves a walk and then sitting in a pub watching the sun set then all the better. There's a great one near me that sells elderflower cordial. Amazing! When I first quit a girl who'd helped me through the hard days took me up there and I never visit without thinking of her. I liked her, but I could never make a move. Not how as I was then. I wouldn't wish me on anyone.
So, after the hotel I went home, had some lunch and set off. It's amazing how peaceful the world is if you bring peace with you and I basked in the sun at one with the world. By now the afternoon session had started in the cricket so I dropped the car off and went to the pub. The bar manager smiled as I walked in. Apparently I was beaming like an idiot. "Did you do it?", she asked. I'd like to point out this was a reference to the whole wedding sober thing and not another crude comment about Eve. I nodded and she smiled again. Life is good. It was at this point that people started to piss me off.
The cricket going badly for a start. England were getting pasted by South Africa and I went into the garden during the tea break. There was I lad I know out there. I'd told him I'd stopped drinking on the Thursday as he struggled to get his head round the concept of someone drinking a bitter lemon and lemonade (2 straws, 1 umbrella). I didn't tell him why, as frankly I don't know him as well as I know you guys. "Hey R***. Someone told me you was drinking last night", he said in a smug accusatory tone. I wanted to deck him there and then and I never feel like that. Firstly, I hadn't been. Secondly, why would anyone comment if I had been? They'd be more likely to query the umbrella beverage. Thirdly, why would they tell that prick even if I had? Finally, no one from my local was at the wedding. I'm still pretty livid at this point but it quickly gave way to cold contempt. Why would you make something up like that? Why were you trying to undermine me and my efforts? What would you have gained if I had fucked up yesterday? Why do you want to cause me pain? I responded with "Alex you twat. I was at a wedding last night and no one there would talk to a shit like you. I just do it as charity work". Not Oscar Wilde I admit, but I was pretty upset and had to make do with the first thing that came out. I was more satisfied with the Dr Evil-esque "Ssshhh!", everytime he tried to explain in a "Yeah but, no but", kind of way. Childish I know but hey, sometimes you have to drop a level. I was so used to support by this time I couldn't be dealing with anyone who's in my way. You're either with me or you're nothing. I'm facing my shit so look in the mirror before you have a go.
Then at 8pm the phone rang..... it was my mate who we shall call "Lenny". "Hi R***. I've just finished playing snooker with "Bob". Do you fancy playing cards tonight? We'll be back in an hour". I agreed, mainly because Bob is one of my best mates who has lived nearby all my life, and witnessed all the shit first hand, pretty much daily, unable to help. He's a great friend and I wanted him to see me coming out the other side. I also wanted a chat with Lenny. "Playing snooker", translates as "I've had 5 pints, a glass of red and then hit the whisky". Lenny is a guy that people worry about inviting to parties, nights out and especially weddings. He'd been good last night, although he couldn't understand why I'd cancelled his (and three other friends including Bob's) lift home last night in favour of Eve. Face it, four people getting a cab to the same place seven miles away makes a lot more sense than one girl getting a cab ten miles on her own. Anyway, she was really nice and I just wanted to spend time with her. Even then he tried to persuade us to go back to his to play cards. Really? Hot, clever, funny, interesting girl or, on the other hand, cards with a pissed up mess. Not a tricky one!
When I say that Lenny was well behaved this is relative. He was a barely coherent shell of a human by 1:30am but this is progress. Normally he gets wasted and tries to chat up every girl in the bar. I say "chat up". I mean "grope at the earliest opportunity". I've seen him go for a neck kiss after 15 seconds. Married, single, the hosts aunty. All are fair game. Anyway, meanwhile back at the ranch..... I turned up at 9 and his opening line was, "So R***, did you seal the deal?". After explaining that I am no longer 19 and this was not some girl I'd picked up in a shithole of a club and fucked by the duckpond in the park, I elaborated to say "Got a number. Got a date. Got a kiss". To me that was all I was looking for. By this time it was pretty obvious that Lenny was steaming. Bob was looking awkward in the corner and when Lenny went to the bathroom he filled me in. He'd started on coke as it was a heavy one at the wedding, and just had a couple later in the afternoon. Lenny had just topped up straight away, then had a spliff before dinner. Apparently the pasta had to be reheated as he was so fucked he dropped the pan on the floor. If your mate is a recovering alcoholic why would you invite him round when you are shit faced? Who wins? The evening passed in an awkward way. Neither Bob or I wanted to be there. He was embarrassed by what I'd turned up to and I'd had about 11 hours sleep since 7am Thursday. I was angry again, and upset. How could he not see what he was doing? How could he accept that I've got a problem and not look in the mirror???? I left after an hour and went home to bed.
This isn't an attempt to push the shit onto someone else. My problem is mine and his is his. I'm not a smoker who's quit for a fortnight and starts complaining about the smell. I've got another objective. Lenny is smart, kind, happy, funny and good company when sober. I really care about him. Maybe it's payback for all the pain I've caused but that's what I feel when I see him. It hurts. Maybe I have more insight into this than my other friends, as I think I have an idea how empty life can be when you're with Allie. They just see a drunken mess who is an embarrassment in front of their "professional friends". Snooker? Allie comes along. Watch the football? Better save her a seat. She even comes on walks in the country in the form of a four-pack and a hip-flask.
Hopefully I can reach him. Hopefully he'll listen and then decide for himself if he has a problem. Hopefully he'll at least go to the Dr's and get checked out. Hopefully we both get out of this life alive.
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