Thursday morning and back to work. I had a pretty crap night. Getting to sleep naturally can be an issue when you are used to passing out, but on the bright side I had no booze to flush out so 4 hours suited me fine. There was the usual early morning vomit after a glass of water but I still haven't really eaten so it's only to be expected. The shakes are still with me. You would not believe the fun I had doing up my tie. And it actually was fun. I've won this round and this time the DT's are just Allies last desperate attempt to hang on as opposed to "I need a fucking drink". Finally beat the tie into submission, took some pills for my stomach and managed to hold down breakfast. As far as first day's of the rest of your life go, this one was off to a flier!
I'm not going to lie to you - I was feeling pretty good about myself at this point. I'm not embarrassed to admit it either. Why should I be? I was almost at the 100 hour mark of being straight and I'd tunnelled through three nights of shit to get there. How many normal people go that long without a drink? Admittedly they probably don't drink 8 - 10 weeks recomended intake in 7 days and a have a potentially fatal liver condition but so what? Celebrate the wins!
I still wasn't 100%, obviously. My hands were shakey and my insides hurt. I kept getting strange stabbing or prickling pains that seemed to be in my legs, head and right shoulder but I'm pretty sure these were in my torso and my nervous system was taking the piss. I grabbed some stuff for lunch from the greengrocer (bananas - energy, delicious and most importantly easy to eat) and waited for the bus. I knew I had a lot to do today. Firstly I need to explain to my team what the fuck's been going on. Then I need to have a return to work interview with my boss. Neither of things things scare me. They should. 6 months ago I would have been terrified. Two weeks ago I'd have been ashamed to admit that I'd really fucked up on the whole "controlled drinking" plan, but I felt neither of these things. I am what I am. I'm taking steps. I'm not ashamed. As the sun shone through the morning haze I was looking forward to both tasks as burdens I could unload. I was free!!
The one thing I was worried about was happening Saturday. A guy I've known since 3rd year junior school was getting married. We've always stayed close, as most of my friends from that time have, but a wedding is still a pretty daunting occassion to have on your horizon when you're in my situation. Worse still he'd done me the honour of making me an usher so I couldn't even bale. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck! I'll come back to this in a bit. Fuck!
Work was good. The guys were great, as was my boss. It was nice to be normal. I had to keep taking the drugs as I was still in a lot of pain and subtly indicated it may not be a day for me to get the drinks in. Well, I could, but there's a pretty good chance that either my colleagues or their desk would end up wearing it as my hands were that unsteady. It's odd looking back. I could still type. Maybe it's just actions that other people may see that intensify the shakes. When I was still dating Allie I'd be pretty much ok all day but as soon as I got to the pub I'd struggle to hand over change and picking up a pint was a two-hand job. It was generally ok by the third so clearly the booze was doing some good......I used that lie on myself a few times. Twat!
Finished at five and went straight to the pub. Pineapple and lemonade ordered, and a seat in front of the cricket. Life is good. Home, dinner, and bed.
Friday followed pretty much the same pattern. My manager kindly checked in and told me to call or text her if I needed anything, either at work or out of hours. Just knowing that helps. People are there for you. You just have to let them in. All that was left was wedding prep. My monkey suit had been dropped off so all I had to do was iron a shirt (I had a waistcoat so just did the visible bits), clean my shoes and have a shave. Mission accomplished, I went to the pub and had a chat to a few people, then went to bed.
Big day tomorrow. Scared? Not a bit of it! Fucking terrified? Hell Yeah!!!!
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