Q & AA's

Hi,

My friends have been helping me since I chose to write this. In fact they are probably the only ones reading it. One of them sent me a mail after post 2, and now it's time for some answers.

1) Was there anything we could have done to help or kill Allie early on?

To be honest, no. I was young, I liked going out and I liked to party. I thought I was having fun but after a while it was just another routine. When I was 22 I could go out until 4 am, and still get into work for 9. It wasn't a problem. I was "Having fun". The age increased but the attitude didn't. If you'd seen me day in, day out you could have said something but no one can help you, except yourself.

2) What happens in your head when you go out to bar a now?
 
Normally "HOW MUCH????", when a soft drink is on a par with a pint. What a great way to promote responsible drinking. Even the beer in pubs is expensive compared to drinking at home. No wonder people get lashed up before they go out, then end up on TV in "Britains Drunken Youth" or similar. Drunk people are very annoying, however. "Yeah, yeah, but mate, but, yeah, mate.....". I think that was one of my catch phrases. I can still go to a bar. I just have a more limited drinks menu. It's not a temptation. Instead of typing this now I could go to Tesco and get a box of wine. Same thing. Pub crawls are annoying because I don't want to neck a pint of lemonade every half hour, but what can you do?

3) You have a great game face (like at the wedding), how do you keep it up?
 
Seriously, it's not an act. In that case specifically I was having a great time with my new found freedom and I was surrounded by people I loved, so I just went for it. Sometimes it helps to not give a shit what people think of you, as long as no one gets hurt. I'm happy again, and I want to share it. I think that it shows.

4) Whats the worst thing you've done?
 
A few spring to mind. Lying to my Dr was pretty heavy. That was a real eye opener of how much of a hold on me that the booze had, has, and probably always will have. I mean, seriously? WTF?

June 22 1996 was pretty bad. England played spain and I had a few with my dad at the local, then ended up in Bristol to see a mate from home at his Uni. Drinking on the way, obviously. DL drove as always. I got to 20 pints and hurled down the stairs of "The Mars Bar".When we got back to his halls I had another two pints, passed out and pissed myself in the kitchen. Not ideal.

A few months after that I was sick in a urinal halfway through my eleventh pint. I washed my mouth out, finished my drink, bought another and then went back to a mates where I drank/snorted 3/4 of a bottle of uzo. My mum found me unconcious on the step in a pool of my own piss. I was blue from the cold and covered in blood from where I'd smashed my face on the wall of the house. I did not make the wedding I was meant to be attending. My mum was so angry, and maternally distraught. I can't believe I did that to her.

To be honest there are so many. I've slept with the wrong girl at a party by mistake when I went to the wrong bedroom on the way back from the loo. How fucked do you have to be to not be able to tell which of the two girls you snogged you'd ended up with? She liked me anyway and thought I had finally come to see her, so no harm done, but her mate was asleep by the time I realised what was going on and found the correct room. We slept together in the morning. Very awkward when I next saw them both out together.
You've probably heard more than I can remember.

Easily the worst is choosing to drink wine or go to a pub instead of spending time with my ex partners. If it comes down to a choice between an early night in bed with the beautiful woman that you love, or a night on the piss with Allie and the choice takes 2 seconds before you pick the booze you really have problems. I didn't do enough to return their love and in the end that drove them away. I'm so sorry.

5) Have you ever admitted it to anyone before?
 
Do you mean the bad things? Pretty much but where there are no witnesses I tend to leave out nocturnal incontinence.

6) Have you ever met another fan of Allie on your travels?
 
A few. I met an Irish guy in Ecuador. He was taking a year off it and I took the piss. What I actually meant was "Why can't I do that?". There was another, again in Ecuador. He was a biologist, or similar. When we first met him he wasn't drinking, but after a while he was getting as pissed as me. He went a bit nuts in the jungle and started talking pigeon to the fluent english speaking guide and the two Pakistani guys who both worked for the US government and had oxford equivalent educations. "What buuurd?". "With yella bik?". It could have been the lack of liquor, because it was hitting me a bit hard too. He's the guy who helped me get the aguadente in the rainforest. He was really sound and we got on really well. Maybe we understood something about each other that no-one else got. I'll mail him and check he's ok. I've been meaning to for a while. * I'll come back to this. He kindly got back to me with "That's one hell of a way to say hi!!!". Show's I know fuck all. I'm glad to be wrong.

7) What were the first signs you knew you couldn't stop?

I've always known. I just never admitted it to myself. "Hair of the dog", "Being hardcore", and "I fear no beer", were all great lines, but actually just another reason to have another drink and get fucked again.

Hope this helps..

Laters