Hello all,
On Dr's orders I've had five pints today, four to come tomorrow. This is really hard for me. My problem is that I can't stop. If I have five I want ten. And shorts. And shots. I know the medical reasons but it doesn't help. Telling an alcoholic they can't stop yet and giving them that doorway is a nightmare. "You can never drink again as of Monday but until then you have to drink decreasing amounts. I realise this will be hard for you". Luckily sis is over tomorrow with the boys. She saved me last time and she can help me again.
Just got a cold bed to look forward to, then work tomorrow. At least it will be dry in the morning. The dream continues.
It's the fear of failure that hurts most. The feeling that you're going to fuck it all up anyway and can't win so you may as well just go all in now. This isn't pretty.
I'm quite scared and upset at the moment. Hopefully my posts will make more sense in a few days when I start to be free again.
Sleep tight all,
R
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